Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Jamaican Me Look Bad
One of my downfalls in life is my inability to understand Jamaicans. They have a very thick, flavorful, and unique accent, that unfortunately for me, I cannot deceifer. I don't mean this to be demeaning or racist and I apologize if it is interpreted that way. Contrarily, this is exclusively my problem that I have to resolve and work around.
This is relevant because a very nice Jamaican woman cuts my hair. Every month, I anxiously walk into the poorly named SuperCuts not knowing what the outcome is going to be. Sometimes she asks me it I want "dee flip" which is jamaican hair jargon for "I'm gonna fuck up your head." I know this first hand because I got the aforementioned flip once and my school gave me demerits. However, she usually just asks me a series of rapid fire questions that may or may not be yes or no. My response: yes, to every single one of them. I have finally figured out that if I say "yes" seven times uninterrupted, I usually get a cut that is somewhat presentable. However, six or eight yeses leaves my hair looking patchy and my ears bloody.
Well today I went in there needing to make sure I said yes seven times uninterrupted. I had had enough, after dozens of bad hair cuts and several stitches, I was dew for a good cut (terrible). Our conversation today sounded a litte something like this as interpreted by me:
Jamaican Lady: Allo
Me: Yes (#1)
JL: Ow are you tada?
Me: Yes (#2)
JL: Wha your name be hon?
Me: Yes (#3)
JL: (laughing) Ah, so you a yes mon?
Me: Yes (#4)
JL: You wan to take a see ova dere?
Me: Yes (#5)
JL: You wan you hair cut shore?
Me Yes (#6)
JL: You want dee flip?
Me: Fuck
Consequently my hair doesn't look so good. You might ask, "Brown, why don't you just take your business elsewhere?" Well, because I know that she has at least one good cut in her and I have come too far to miss it. Although I have asked for somebody else before but the girl that they gave me had band-aids all over her hands and half-way into the cut I heard her say "Shit, not again." The result: a terrible, unsanitary cut. Anyway, I am off to Virginia for the weekend for a wedding and will be staying at a place called the Boars Head Inn (so at least there will be thinly sliced meat). Again, I encourage all of you who read this to post and let me know how you are doing. Hope all is well and take care.
This is relevant because a very nice Jamaican woman cuts my hair. Every month, I anxiously walk into the poorly named SuperCuts not knowing what the outcome is going to be. Sometimes she asks me it I want "dee flip" which is jamaican hair jargon for "I'm gonna fuck up your head." I know this first hand because I got the aforementioned flip once and my school gave me demerits. However, she usually just asks me a series of rapid fire questions that may or may not be yes or no. My response: yes, to every single one of them. I have finally figured out that if I say "yes" seven times uninterrupted, I usually get a cut that is somewhat presentable. However, six or eight yeses leaves my hair looking patchy and my ears bloody.
Well today I went in there needing to make sure I said yes seven times uninterrupted. I had had enough, after dozens of bad hair cuts and several stitches, I was dew for a good cut (terrible). Our conversation today sounded a litte something like this as interpreted by me:
Jamaican Lady: Allo
Me: Yes (#1)
JL: Ow are you tada?
Me: Yes (#2)
JL: Wha your name be hon?
Me: Yes (#3)
JL: (laughing) Ah, so you a yes mon?
Me: Yes (#4)
JL: You wan to take a see ova dere?
Me: Yes (#5)
JL: You wan you hair cut shore?
Me Yes (#6)
JL: You want dee flip?
Me: Fuck
Consequently my hair doesn't look so good. You might ask, "Brown, why don't you just take your business elsewhere?" Well, because I know that she has at least one good cut in her and I have come too far to miss it. Although I have asked for somebody else before but the girl that they gave me had band-aids all over her hands and half-way into the cut I heard her say "Shit, not again." The result: a terrible, unsanitary cut. Anyway, I am off to Virginia for the weekend for a wedding and will be staying at a place called the Boars Head Inn (so at least there will be thinly sliced meat). Again, I encourage all of you who read this to post and let me know how you are doing. Hope all is well and take care.
