Monday, June 05, 2006
Batwoman on Woman
Even though Gotham City is still ravaged by crime, don't expect the new incarnation of Batwoman to participate in any manhunts.DC Comics announced last week that they are resurrecting the Batwoman comic book (or graphic novel if you want to be a dick) franchise after a 27 year hiatus. Why is this news you ask? Well, for one, in a genre seemingly dominated by omnipotent male characters, it is refreshing to see that strength, morality, and bravery are not exclusively possessed by one gender. Well, that, and because the new Batwoman will be a lesbian. In fact, the story on cnn.com reporting this cute little nugget was the most popular item of last Thursday morning followed by the possibility of a US military probe into the massacre of a dozen Iraqi civilians. Oddly enough, because of the inclusion of the word "probe" in the headline, they appeared as related stories.
So what is this sudden fascination about gay superheroes? Haven’t they have been around since their inception into popular culture? For me, all veneers become stripped when a character puts on a pair of tights, throws a cape over his shoulders and demands people call him Captain Marvelous. Thus, despite being an anachronism, the concept of the thu-per hero has resonated for decades.
According to the news story, the original Batwoman was introduced in 1965 and was killed off in 1979, presumably for rejecting Batman’s romantic overtures in issue #45, where she told the Cape Crusader to take his "Futility Belt" and go back to concentrating on "‘Robin’ Dick Grayson’s cradle."
The most discouraging aspect of this story isn’t how a comic book character’s orientation is now being used as the country’s moral barometer; rather it is that the inevitable Batwoman movie will only be rated a mild and disappointingly tasteful PG-13, thus failing to be either graphic or novel.
However, my primary concern rests with what implications this announcement will have on the Justice League of America. Obviously, the addition of Batwoman would be a tremendous coup, as it would boost its status among other equal opportunity employers. Nevertheless, the JL is itemized in the budget and falls under the direct jurisdiction of the Department of Defense, a sphere of government which funds combat organizations that adhere to a strict policy of "don’t ask, don’t tell" or in the case of mutant superhero Banshee, "don’t ask, don’t yell." The Justice League’s incapacity to include Batwoman would not only decrease their ability to fight super villain related crime up to 12%, its ranking among Working Mother Magazine’s list of Best Companies for Women would drop exponentially.
It will be interesting to see how the introduction of the new Batwoman will play out. Will her costume be made out of flannel and have cut off sleeves? Will she have the complete Xena set in her DVD collection? I don’t know and don’t care. I believe that comic books publishers should revert back to a time when kids weren’t pondering these complex questions, but rather spending 3 dollars on a pack of Marvel Cards hoping to get the Hologramed Sinister Six group card (It always eluded me, although if anybody wants to trade, I still have quadruples of the unpopular, but under appreciated Black Falcon).
No matter where he goes, the Falcon certainly knows how to transform it into a black fly affair
Unfortunately, collecting cards was my only hobby as a child. I spent most of my days either placing them carefully in plastic sleeves or playing Nintendo. Despite my resistance, my mom continuously urged me to go out and get some exercise. After much deliberation, we finally compromised and a Nintendo Power Pad was purchased. For those who don't recall, the Power Pad provided the opportunity for obese children to vicariously experience the thrill of running without the nagging consequence of losing weight. Although the number of games compatible with the Power Pad (or as it is known in Japan, Family Trainer—true story) is limited, World Class Track Meet more than overcompensates for the lack of titles. In the game, you have the option to compete in a series of races against computer characters of escalating difficulty, even though their pre-race stretching routines reveals them to be equally limber. In order attain the highest honor the game can bestow, a digital misshapen yellow circle which presumably represents a medal, you have to beat Turtle, Bear, Horse, Rabbit, Bobcat and Cheetah all in succession. It took several days of intense playing to realize that there is no disconnect between their names and running ability. For example, Turtle is as slow as the animal of the same name and shape. This revelation was refreshing because it resolved a previously held misconception that the game was racially insensitive as it ignorantly bestowed stereotypical names upon its cast of Native American characters.
Padding the self-esteem of fat kids since 1988
Inevitably, after many long jumps and races against Cheetah that left me winded, the foundation of my house became slightly compromised and the Power Pad had to be discarded. Even though it provided hours of fun and calorie preserving exercise, I finally started to resent all the time I spent on the Power Pad when the whistle blew during the 40 yard dash of my high school’s physical fitness test and I just stood in place furiously shuffling my feet up and down. My final time: one that even Turtle would be ashamed of.
Hope all is well with everyone and I encourage you to post and let me know how you are doing. Take care.
