Thursday, September 22, 2005
Martha Stewart Livin Large
I have noticed that my mother has a slight, yet healthy, obsession with Martha Stewart products . From the magazines to the bed linens, the Brown household is thoroughly imprinted with Martha's signature name and style. However, now that she has two new shows which premiered this week, she has been a constant and annoying fixture on our family's television set.
Her first show, Martha is a daily daytime program targeted, well, at my mother and features appearances from current pop culture icons. One episode featured an appearance from Diddy who painfully confided in Martha that he has difficult time getting Farsworth Bentley to fold his Sean Jean's properly. This show also serves as a forum for Martha to pitch her endless array of K-Mart bullshit, further proving that she is a Megalomaniac offering Mega-Low prices.
Her next program is a primetime venture entitled The Apprentice: Martha Stewart. This is her version of Donald Trump's hit show, but with her own unique home-spin. During the first task, she demanded of her aspiring employees to decoratively muffle the strident sounds of her ankle bracelet. The contestants proceeded to bicker with eachother over stuffed apricots and brie cheese until the winning team came up with a comfortable design made up of glitter and elbow macaroni that fit snuggly around Martha's fankles. At the end, Martha heartlessly dismissed a member of the losing team. However, instead of saying "you're fired" like Mr. Trump, she screamed "you're not a liar" and thus not worthy of truly being her apprentice.
Despite all this quality television, I was able to separate myself from the household to find a job at the official insurance company of Kanye West: Geico. It was a rigorous and thorough three day interviewing process which culminated in a tense Robot contest against the Gecko. However, I did manage to get hired and had my physical examination today. The nurse had to take a large hair sample for the drug test (some strands went to the lab and some went towards her doll) and consequently she evened out the shitty hair cut I got at SuperCuts. Anyway, I hope all is well with everyone and I encourage all to post and I thank all those who have. I will be away so I hope everybody has a good weekend. Take care.
Her first show, Martha is a daily daytime program targeted, well, at my mother and features appearances from current pop culture icons. One episode featured an appearance from Diddy who painfully confided in Martha that he has difficult time getting Farsworth Bentley to fold his Sean Jean's properly. This show also serves as a forum for Martha to pitch her endless array of K-Mart bullshit, further proving that she is a Megalomaniac offering Mega-Low prices.
Her next program is a primetime venture entitled The Apprentice: Martha Stewart. This is her version of Donald Trump's hit show, but with her own unique home-spin. During the first task, she demanded of her aspiring employees to decoratively muffle the strident sounds of her ankle bracelet. The contestants proceeded to bicker with eachother over stuffed apricots and brie cheese until the winning team came up with a comfortable design made up of glitter and elbow macaroni that fit snuggly around Martha's fankles. At the end, Martha heartlessly dismissed a member of the losing team. However, instead of saying "you're fired" like Mr. Trump, she screamed "you're not a liar" and thus not worthy of truly being her apprentice.
Despite all this quality television, I was able to separate myself from the household to find a job at the official insurance company of Kanye West: Geico. It was a rigorous and thorough three day interviewing process which culminated in a tense Robot contest against the Gecko. However, I did manage to get hired and had my physical examination today. The nurse had to take a large hair sample for the drug test (some strands went to the lab and some went towards her doll) and consequently she evened out the shitty hair cut I got at SuperCuts. Anyway, I hope all is well with everyone and I encourage all to post and I thank all those who have. I will be away so I hope everybody has a good weekend. Take care.
