Friday, September 30, 2005
Black Eyed Please Make It Stop
Only Top 40 Radio could make a 9 hour car ride seem like a cross-country expedition. See, my car's cd player is the Allen Iverson of stereo equipment--it only plays when it wants to. Unfortunately for me, it decided to ride the bench during my trip from Virginia to New York, thereby subjecting me to the worst popular radio had to offer on both sides of the Mason-Dixon Line.
During a 200 mile stretch from Hagerstown, MD to Allentown, PA, Kelly Clarkson told me that she has hazel eyes 8 times and the constant repetition of 50 Cent songs began to irritate me, not a lot, but just a little bit. However, it was the Black Eyed Peas, through their constant use of the words "no" and "hump", who ultimately became the bane of my seemingly neverending journey.
They currently have three songs in heavy rotation. The first two I can't tell apart because they sound exactly alike, and the other is affectionately entitled "My Hump." Let's start with the latter. The song's chorus, as interpreted by me, reads a little something like this:
. . . Ima get you drunk, get you love drunk of my hump,
my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump my hump
My lovely lady lumps, [(my hump)^47] . . . .
I have to say, after paying careful attention to the song's underlying message, I don't understand the fixation on this particular lady's hump and her insatiable need to proclaim that she even possesses one. Is it just me, or is she not painting a very flattering picture of herself. I have seen people with humps, mostly in retirement communities, and they didn't seem to be giving off the impression that they had the desire to or were going to make me love drunk off their aforementioned hump. On the contrary, instead of being on a dancefloor, the girl in this song should seek out some place where her physical abnormality isn't quite as visible, say for example . . . a bell tower. Oh, and in regards to her "lumps," I was just utterly disturbed by this self-portrait. I am glad that she is embracing the unsettling uniquness of her deformed body, however I took enough health classes to know that lumps are just downright unhealthy. So I would recommend to the lady in the song to stop spending her money on bling and other trinkets and invest it in something worthwhile like lets say . . . a biopsy. That is just my recommendation, although I could be completely misinterpreting the meaning of the song.
The other two songs currently being aired feature the group's female vocalist and resident skank Fergie say "No" to the point where it has lost all meaning. Which begs the question, how could someone who spends most of there day singing "no", be such a slut. And have you seen her face, it looks like it has been injected full of "No-Tox." (No, I didn't--that was just awful).
Sorry if this post seems a bit bitter and I hope you weren't offended, however this could have all been avoided if my cd player was working properly. On a more positive note, I have finally decided to put aside sometime and update my Daily Lodger website--hopefully I will have added to it by the end of the weekend. Here are some possible stories:
Gassy Hippie Has Acid Reflux Flashback
Dog With Insomnia Put To Sleep
Colonel Mustard Loves New Candlestick: 'The Grip is to Die for' Beams Monocled Ex-Military Man
Alex Trebek's Dinner Table Request Not in the Form of a Question
Thanks again for all who visit regularly and I encourage you all to post and let me know which one you like and what you are up to. Take care.
During a 200 mile stretch from Hagerstown, MD to Allentown, PA, Kelly Clarkson told me that she has hazel eyes 8 times and the constant repetition of 50 Cent songs began to irritate me, not a lot, but just a little bit. However, it was the Black Eyed Peas, through their constant use of the words "no" and "hump", who ultimately became the bane of my seemingly neverending journey.
They currently have three songs in heavy rotation. The first two I can't tell apart because they sound exactly alike, and the other is affectionately entitled "My Hump." Let's start with the latter. The song's chorus, as interpreted by me, reads a little something like this:
. . . Ima get you drunk, get you love drunk of my hump,
my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump my hump
My lovely lady lumps, [(my hump)^47] . . . .
I have to say, after paying careful attention to the song's underlying message, I don't understand the fixation on this particular lady's hump and her insatiable need to proclaim that she even possesses one. Is it just me, or is she not painting a very flattering picture of herself. I have seen people with humps, mostly in retirement communities, and they didn't seem to be giving off the impression that they had the desire to or were going to make me love drunk off their aforementioned hump. On the contrary, instead of being on a dancefloor, the girl in this song should seek out some place where her physical abnormality isn't quite as visible, say for example . . . a bell tower. Oh, and in regards to her "lumps," I was just utterly disturbed by this self-portrait. I am glad that she is embracing the unsettling uniquness of her deformed body, however I took enough health classes to know that lumps are just downright unhealthy. So I would recommend to the lady in the song to stop spending her money on bling and other trinkets and invest it in something worthwhile like lets say . . . a biopsy. That is just my recommendation, although I could be completely misinterpreting the meaning of the song.
The other two songs currently being aired feature the group's female vocalist and resident skank Fergie say "No" to the point where it has lost all meaning. Which begs the question, how could someone who spends most of there day singing "no", be such a slut. And have you seen her face, it looks like it has been injected full of "No-Tox." (No, I didn't--that was just awful).
Sorry if this post seems a bit bitter and I hope you weren't offended, however this could have all been avoided if my cd player was working properly. On a more positive note, I have finally decided to put aside sometime and update my Daily Lodger website--hopefully I will have added to it by the end of the weekend. Here are some possible stories:
Gassy Hippie Has Acid Reflux Flashback
Dog With Insomnia Put To Sleep
Colonel Mustard Loves New Candlestick: 'The Grip is to Die for' Beams Monocled Ex-Military Man
Alex Trebek's Dinner Table Request Not in the Form of a Question
Thanks again for all who visit regularly and I encourage you all to post and let me know which one you like and what you are up to. Take care.
# posted by Uncle D. @ 10:28 PM 
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Regarding Fergie's apparent love affair with what Brown cleverly calls "No-Tox", there are a few things to consider. Some of you might notice that Fergie is actually Stacy Ferguson, from the critically acclaimed children's program Kids Incorporated--a late 80's/early 90's star-generator often considered to be the bastard little brother of the Disney smash-hit the Mickey Mouse Club. Just like the MMC, Kids, Inc. has its fair share of success stories, including Jennifer Love Hewitt and Saved By the Bell's Mario Lopez (A.C. Slater).
Stacy Ferguson hated the Kids, Inc. image; resentment built, and eventually all those negative feelings grew into another personality altogether, known only as "Fergie". Fergie saw those Mickey Mouse "brats" Christina, Britney, and Justin making it big and wanted a taste. That was when Fergie decided that Stacy Ferguson had to be eliminated. There was a short, but violent coup, and Stacy Ferguson was no more.
All that was left for Fergie to do, now that she had complete control, was to change her appearance to fit the new Psyche-in-charge. Whether it was a face lift or "No-Tox", no man really knows, but now there are no lines on Fergie's face, and Stacy's signature side-ponytail relocated to the back of Fergie's head. She hit the gym and became the hard-bodied/Odo-faced chick that history will judge to have killed an otherwise enjoyable hip-hop outfit.
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Stacy Ferguson hated the Kids, Inc. image; resentment built, and eventually all those negative feelings grew into another personality altogether, known only as "Fergie". Fergie saw those Mickey Mouse "brats" Christina, Britney, and Justin making it big and wanted a taste. That was when Fergie decided that Stacy Ferguson had to be eliminated. There was a short, but violent coup, and Stacy Ferguson was no more.
All that was left for Fergie to do, now that she had complete control, was to change her appearance to fit the new Psyche-in-charge. Whether it was a face lift or "No-Tox", no man really knows, but now there are no lines on Fergie's face, and Stacy's signature side-ponytail relocated to the back of Fergie's head. She hit the gym and became the hard-bodied/Odo-faced chick that history will judge to have killed an otherwise enjoyable hip-hop outfit.
# posted by 
: 6:23 PM
: 6:23 PM << Home
